


Fixation

by jinkistarlight



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Crushes, Fluff, Implied/Referenced Sex, M/M, Mild Language, Mutual Pining, Sappy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-01
Updated: 2018-04-01
Packaged: 2019-04-14 20:33:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,501
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14143995
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jinkistarlight/pseuds/jinkistarlight
Summary: Soonyoung spends a lot of time staring at Jihoon. Jihoon spends even more time pretending like he isn't doing the same thing.





	Fixation

**Author's Note:**

> i started writing this on a whim without any clue as to its contents, characters, or conclusion. i hope you enjoy the mess that i came up with.

Soonyoung often wonders if meeting Jihoon was more destiny than chance.

Jihoon is everything Soonyoung has ever dreamed of. He may be less than five and a half feet of thinly veiled irritation, but he is more incredible than anyone can possibly understand. He’s kind, though he would never admit it, and cares so strongly it almost stuns Soonyoung. He’s passionate, overwhelmingly so, and pushes himself to do better than his best. He has so little regard for himself it would be almost damning if not for Soonyoung's watchful eye.

If you ask him, Soonyoung will deny the amount of time he spends staring at Jihoon. No, he claims, he hasn't noticed the disappearance of Jihoon's formerly bleached hair, nor has he ever paid any attention to the way Jihoon's laugh has grown less and less restrained as the years have progressed. He’ll feign ignorance even if one mentions the time Soonyoung sprinted down a flight of stairs just to catch the jacket that was about to fall from Jihoon’s grasp, or the time Soonyoung drove to Jihoon’s house at two in the morning to make sure the boy was actually asleep instead of pulling his fourth all-nighter in a row (and he was, which made Soonyoung just about lose what little sanity he still had left). No, he always says, I don’t pay particular attention to him. I do this for all of my friends.

To an extent, that’s true. Soonyoung is incredibly devoted to all the people he holds dear. Seokmin can’t even count on one hand the times that Soonyoung has caught Seokmin to hand him his forgotten backpack after class; Chan couldn’t even imagine a dance session without Soonyoung’s helpful advice; Wonwoo isn’t sure he would even have so many friends if it weren’t for Soonyoung’s friendly openness to the awkward, bookish new kid that couldn’t figure out how to say hello to anyone.

For most people, Soonyoung is a tremendously positive force. He recognizes this to an extent, but whenever anyone mentions that maybe, just maybe, he’s good for Jihoon, too, he rejects the idea before it’s even fully formed.

Maybe it's because Soonyoung doesn't know that Jihoon is fixated on him, too.

All of Jihoon's friends know—it'd be hard not to, really. Jihoon spends just about every day gazing off toward Soonyoung, trying (and failing) to be subtle about the direction his thoughts are drifting.

The boy they know now is hardly anything like the one that they met all those months ago. That change in him, they think, is because of Soonyoung.

In the beginning, Jihoon was decidedly antisocial. At first, they thought that he was just sort of an asshole, but after about a week of Soonyoung’s observation, he was labeled as “painfully awkward,” and the group made an effort to be more welcoming. Still, his introversion persisted, and the group had nearly given up on the boy. Soonyoung, though, had already decided that there was something in him worth pursuing.

His methods were not imitable. The others were gentler with Jihoon, but Soonyoung had apparently decided that going easy on the boy was not going to do much good. So, in typical Soonyoung fashion, he walked right up to Jihoon, stared the shorter male in the eye, and announced in a booming voice, “You’re an asshole.”

Jihoon had stared at Soonyoung incredulously before sputtering out, “I-I am _not_??”

Soonyoung had grinned at Jihoon and shrugged. “Prove it,” he had told the smaller, who appeared ready to punch Soonyoung right in the nose.

“How the hell am I supposed to do that?” he had asked, irritation written all over his face.

“Oh, I don’t know,” Soonyoung had drawled. “Maybe be my friend?”

Jihoon had blinked once. Twice. Thrice. Soonyoung had held his hand out to Jihoon, who still couldn’t quite believe that this was really happening.

“…Why would I do that?” Jihoon had asked. It was a valid question, really, considering Soonyoung’s rudeness. Still, Soonyoung had smiled unabashedly and gestured to his friends, who were watching the scene with varying degrees of embarrassment written across their faces.

“Because I think all of my friends would _also_ like to befriend a certain grumpy new classmate, but they lack the shamelessness that I possess, so progress has been slow and I’ve grown sick of waiting,” he had begun. 

Jihoon had looked around at the sheepish faces of Soonyoung’s friends and remembered all of their attempts to talk to him over the past week or so.

“Oh,” he had said stupidly, because what else was he supposed to say? He had thought that they were just pitying the new kid. 

Jihoon, as Soonyoung would discover, lacked a considerable amount of self-worth. He couldn’t fathom why, but he also couldn’t understand a word of what came out of their math teacher’s mouth, so the incomprehensibility didn’t surprise him. Still, he swore to do everything in his power to get Jihoon to see himself how Soonyoung did.

Soonyoung, Jihoon would discover, was relentlessly persistent. Their friendship, despite its odd foundations, quickly blossomed. They were an unlikely pair, really—Soonyoung was so outgoing, so reckless, and seemed altogether too chaotic. Jihoon was quite the opposite—he was quiet, thoughtful, and managed to put all of his feelings into the music he produced rather than in his actions. Now the music— _that_ was something they were equally passionate about. They were creators, albeit with different mediums, and they were able to understand each other in ways they likely never would have without music.

Jihoon likes to watch Soonyoung dance. It’s mesmerizing, really; the way that boy moves should be considered an art form all on its own. _Soonyoung_ is an art form, Jihoon thinks, though he’d deny it if anyone asked. No one will ask though. Despite his warming up, he’s still a force to be reckoned with, and he will undoubtedly kick anyone in the shin if they cross him. No one needs to ask anyway. The way Jihoon feels—it’s so evident it’s almost painful. The way Jihoon stares at Soonyoung when he’s really lost in the music—if love had a definite look, well, that’d be it.

Love is not something either boy is familiar with. This, too, is painfully obvious to just about anyone and everyone. Soonyoung is much better at expressing his affection through his actions, but when it comes to words…well, Chan would (and _has_ ) called the sight pathetic. Jihoon, as good as he is with words, can’t ever seem to get them past his throat. It’s gotten bad enough that, upon seeing the two together, Jeonghan will occasionally just sort of…scream. It’s incoherent and, honestly, a little concerning, but Seungcheol always tells them to pay it no mind as he gingerly pats his anguished friend’s back.

For all of Soonyoung’s rowdiness and energy, he thinks he could sit and watch Jihoon make music forever. At first, their friends tried to stop him from tagging along with Jihoon when he went to record something. How could Soonyoung, who can’t even sit still for more than five minutes, possibly be anything but a distraction?

They were surprised when Jihoon stopped them. They didn’t know, of course, that it wasn’t the first time Soonyoung had accompanied Jihoon to his studio. The first time had been an accident, really. Soonyoung had been tasked with bringing something or other to Jihoon after the latter had forgotten it at school and Mrs. Lee, who had been preoccupied, requested that Soonyoung bring it down to Jihoon himself.

What he saw there was something he’ll likely never forget. The sight was ordinary, sure, but with Soonyoung’s rose-colored vision, it was anything but. Jihoon, scribbling strings of artful phrases and mouthing countless more, bent over and so focused that, for a moment, Soonyoung could do nothing but stare. The younger had been so absorbed by his work that he hadn’t even been aware of Soonyoung’s presence, and Soonyoung, not willing to snap Jihoon out of his trance, closed the door and waited. He must have sat there for thirty minutes before Jihoon even bothered to look up. (It was worth it, he thinks, because Jihoon screeched in surprise and it was ~~adorable~~ hilarious.)

Since that time, Soonyoung has often found himself in Jihoon’s studio. He watches his friend silently pour out his heart and soul onto crinkled pages, unable to focus on anything but the way the younger looks as he worries his lip between his teeth and hums a tune all his own. It’s there that he starts to wonder if this is what love feels like. He hopes not because, gosh, is his heart supposed to sting? Is he supposed to feel so lonely as he sits just a few paces away? No, he decides, this isn’t what love should feel like. 

Love, he imagines, feels like Jihoon’s lips on his, hands intertwined, and hearts beating as one.

He wonders if Jihoon feels the same. All of their friends think so (yes, _all of them_ , even Chan, who deems the concept of Soonyoung being in love to be gross), but that’s not enough to ease Soonyoung’s nervous heart. He tries to figure it out on his own, but Jihoon is unreadable. Soonyoung can feel the discomfort his outrageous displays of affection bring, so he stops. He can’t tell if Jihoon is thankful or not.

Jihoon doesn’t know what to do, what to think, what to feel. He doesn’t know if he’s ready to fall in love with someone, though he supposes that doesn’t really matter since he’s already fallen. But can he express it? He doesn’t think so. Neither does Joshua, who has tried his utmost to help Jihoon express affection without a grimace. Seokmin is more optimistic, but he also still believes that fairies are real, so Jihoon takes his friend’s hopefulness with a grain of salt.

Soonyoung’s feelings are another thing that Jihoon just can’t quite believe in. Wonwoo has told Jihoon about a million times that Soonyoung is painfully infatuated with him, but Jihoon can’t trust it. Why would anyone like him, much less _love_ him? He can’t even begin to fathom why, but when he glances up and catches Soonyoung staring for the sixth time that afternoon, he thinks that maybe, just maybe, the fondness in his gaze is real.

It’s going to take a lot for Soonyoung to confess to Jihoon. Minghao, for one, is exasperated and would love nothing more than for the two to get together so he can stop being greeted with lovesick eyes every time he asks his friend for a pen. He devises a plan (though Junhui begs him not to) and suddenly Soonyoung and Jihoon are locked in a closet during a stupid party and, thankfully, it’s too dark for either boy to see the other’s cheeks flushing increasingly red.

Soonyoung is the first to speak. He’s nervous and stuttering and, god, have his hands _ever_ been this clammy before? He rambles for a long time about how lame the party is and how dumb their friends are for not noticing that they’re stuck in this cramped closet. The chatter is starting to annoy Jihoon, who can’t for the life of him focus on anything else besides how soft Soonyoung’s lips look and how he wants nothing more than to just reach over and—

No, he tells himself, he is not going to kiss Soonyoung—not until that stupid idiot shuts the hell up so Jihoon can actually focus on what he wants to say when he confesses. But Soonyoung doesn’t shut up—of _course_ he doesn’t, Jihoon grumbles—and with each meaningless, stuttered addition Jihoon loses a bit more of his cool.

“You know what?” he interrupts. Soonyoung, mouth still open mid-complaint, shakes his head. “Fuck this.”

Against his better judgment, Jihoon kisses Soonyoung. He throws all caution out the window and grabs the older by the collar of his stupid shirt and presses their mouths together and Soonyoung groans in surprise (oh christ, Jihoon thinks, that’s hot, why is he so attractive) before responding eagerly.

The kiss is a mess, Jihoon thinks, and a closet in Minghao’s house during a trashy high school party is just about the farthest place from where he wanted his first kiss with Soonyoung to be, but it’s already happening and the sounds Soonyoung is making are enough to make everything feel better than okay.

Soonyoung pours his heart out—how he feels about Jihoon, what he wants them to become, how beautiful and irreplaceable Jihoon is to him, how fast his heart is beating right now (and it’s true; Jihoon can feel it)—as he holds Jihoon’s face between his hands in that dingy closet, the taste of Jihoon’s lips still on his tongue.

When their friends finally open that closet door, they’re almost reluctant to leave. They do, though, because Seungkwan convinced everybody to chip in for a pizza, and because Minghao has been waggling his eyebrows at Soonyoung for an uncomfortable amount of time.

They leave early (though not before each boy is whisked away by their respective closest friends and begged for details), hand in hand, and spend the night on Soonyoung’s roof, hearts bared open and chests heaving. They talk about everything and nothing under the cover of night; it feels like eternity and infinity and destiny all wrapped into one. It’s overwhelming, Soonyoung thinks, but it feels fantastic.

Eventually, the night turns chilly and neither boy thinks that freezing to death under the beautiful sky is worth more than the other’s embrace, they climb into Soonyoung’s room and try to calm their rapidly beating hearts.

They explore each other that night. Jihoon discovers Soonyoung tastes like hope and green tea; Soonyoung discovers that Jihoon tends to whine and grasp weakly at Soonyoung’s wrists when the younger is about to reach his limit. Jihoon learns that Soonyoung likes to bury his face in Jihoon’s neck because he relishes in the sound of the smaller’s moans in his ear; Soonyoung figures out that his (and Jihoon’s) favorite place to leave hickeys is Jihoon’s inner thigh because, god, is he sensitive there.

They fall asleep with limbs tangled and skin flush against skin. The feeling is new, but neither is willing to shy away from it—not when it feels so good.

Waking up with Jihoon in his arms is something Soonyoung didn’t know he’d love so much. Nothing has ever felt more right to Soonyoung than the way Jihoon fits in his embrace. He tries not to get sappy all by himself, but with the boy he loves more than anything curled up against him, how could he be anything other than emotional?

Soonyoung doesn’t have to wonder anymore. As Jihoon’s gentle breaths fan against his bare chest, Soonyoung decides that meeting Jihoon was much more than just chance. Their initial encounter, the undeniable mutual fixation, their falling in love—that, Soonyoung believes, was destiny.

**Author's Note:**

> there really wasn't much to this, but i hope it was a nice read regardless. i wrote it pretty quickly so it might not be flawless, but i'm pretty satisfied with it and i hope you all are too.
> 
> big thanks to my friends emmy ([shuvee](https://shuvee.tumblr.com)) and kura ([caratvocals](https://caratvocals.tumblr.com)) for going over this and helping me with bits and pieces here and there!
> 
> i hope you all enjoyed! find me on [twt](https://twitter.com/jinkistarlight) and [tumblr](https://starshua.tumblr.com)!


End file.
